


when i’m done (and gone, and gone)

by kuro49



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Drabble, Gen, Mentions of (canon) Cancer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-04
Updated: 2015-06-04
Packaged: 2018-04-02 19:36:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4072072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kuro49/pseuds/kuro49
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She is always going to outlive him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	when i’m done (and gone, and gone)

**Author's Note:**

> this has been written on and off for a better part of like 4 months, i think D:

Her fear is a strange dark shape, taking form, taking lives. It glows blue in the dark, and in the rational parts of what remains, she knows that this is not the worst. The world is not so kind.

She is not thirteen, and the fear is gripping.

She is sixteen, maybe seventeen, the nightmares stay until each daybreak. She doesn’t imagine that this will change in all the years to come.

The first bloody handkerchief she finds has stains that are already brown. She doesn’t ask how long he has hid this from her, she can guess that Onibaba has something, if not everything, to do with this. There is not a fair thing about it. He is a dying man that’s been fighting this war for far too long.

But she is no rescue.

 

She is always going to outlive him, and he prays for that even when he does not have a god. That’s the bitter truth, it’s one she cannot work herself up to.

It’s one that he’s accepted for just as long.

 

This is not the first Mark I that burns this bright. But she will always be an unwilling witness as it burns like gasoline even when it’s nuclear. The fumes are a trail of black from an aerial perspective of _Coyote Tango_ laying waste on St. Lawrence Island. The grief is an overwhelming thing that curls tight in her chest.

She does not imagine how sensei might feel.

She cannot.

She has never had a Jaeger she can call her girl, and it won't be until she's twenty that she meets _Gipsy Danger_ in the place where Jaeger go to die.

Because while she sees how he looks at her, she does not know how to put it into words. It is that tight feeling in her chest once more, that fear taking shape. Except it’s not blue she sees, it’s spots of red blooming against white.

 

He never asks her where she’d rather die.

He never wants her to make that choice.

The truth though, just as he’s always known, is that she will always make this choice.

 

She is twenty-one, her heart burns brighter than any fire she has seen. He will always die before her.

She will always finish this for him.

 

XXX Kuro


End file.
